Monday, November 13, 2006

On Behalf of US Blogways

by Brenda Roger

On behalf of USBlogways, we would like to apologize that this blog entry will be late this morning. It will be executed without beverage service or luggage. For your convenience we have connecting blog information for you. You missed them.

On behalf of US Blogways, we would like to thank you for paying to be crammed into a tubular germ incubator, and just as soon as we are through deblogging several of you because of the weight limit, we will be taking off. There are special dividends today for our club travelers. We like to call them Communicable Respiratory Illnesses. You can enjoy them every time that you blog with us.

At this time, I would like to direct your attention to the safety information. You really needn’t pay attention though, if something happens, we’re just going down. If at some point during the blog, you experience difficulty breathing, that is because there isn’t any oxygen in here on a good day.

This blog is ready for immediate posting, which means that you will have to wait until next time to read about the actual topic.

When we reach our destination, you can get in line at the desk for connecting blog information, but we have changed all of the gate assignments and we don’t intend to share that information with the likes of you.

The blog has come to a complete stop and the blogger has turned off the seat belt signs, so you are free to leave just as soon as the forty-nine people in front of you wrestle their crap out of the overhead compartment.

We hope that you will blog with us again.


Brenda Roger said...

Ok, I'm also the first to post a comment on my own blog entry. I just want to say, after a miserable day of travel, how does our Judith do it???

lisa curry said...

Having just flown to and from Memphis, via Atlanta, last week, I found your blog both amusing and accurate, Brenda! I know what helps, though. Fly first class. At least then you don't have to deal with the 49 people ahead of you wrestling their crap out of the overhead compartments! (Easy for me to say, though, since I was traveling for business and didn't have to shell cash out of my own pocket for the first-class upgrade.)

Pat said...

I took a red-eye from AZ to FLA when I was in college. It was fab, I got the whole center section, 5 seats, to myself. I stretched out like Cleo on her barge and slept, which was fortunate 'cause I was drunk as a lord from partying with my pals before take off. I woke up somewhere over Texas and thought for moment my very dry tongue was an errant sock. Dying of thirst and still quite stinko, I staggered to the bathroom. The cabin was pitch black and all passengers were soundly snoring. I got a drink out of the tap, ugh, and made my way back to my seat. In the dimness I spied what I thought was the glimmer of my purse clasp resting on the seat. Fortunately, rather than flopping ass first into the seat, I reached with my hand to confirm that the glimmering was indeed my purse and shoved my hand into the mouth of a sleeping man. He shot up choking and cursing, I dove head first into the next row, which was mercifully unoccupied. The next morning I examined the dental impression across my knuckles and to this day I can feel the wet softness of a stranger's mouth on my fingertips.

Brenda Roger said...

Yeah, the real kicker is that my husband works for a foundation and when I accompany him on a business trip, although it is required, I have to pay! So, not only was I miserable, I am out about $500 (which I was forced to spend). I don't like to spend money unless at the end of it I am prettier or smarter and I have to say that today --I'm neither.
hmm. how many books could I have bought for the price of my ticket?

Pat, you kill me.

Tory said...

Wow, Brenda, required travel that's not paid for? Ugh and double ugh.

Tory said...

Pat: I'm really looking forward to reading this memoire of yours!

Brenda Roger said...

Being the foundation guy's wife is NOT the adventure of glamour and excess that everyone thinks it is. However, most days, we're just glad to have jobs and house. I do think that I will be unavailable for travel for quite some time due to my other commitments.

How it that memoir coming Pat? I, too, am anxious to read it.

Pat said...

I could use some readers, it's coming slowly and unevenly. Anybody up for an ad hoc critique group? My goal is to have a first draft by May for the PennWriters conference...

Tory said...

I'm up for a critique group. I'm thinking of trying some more personal writing about my compulsive eating struggles (similar to Geneen Roth, _Feeding the Hungry Heart_.) Would that fit with your memoire writing?

mike said...

Brenda, how dare you?! Now I have to go home and rewrite my dreary entry for can I post my cranky entry after your refreshing blast of humor? I bet Judith identifies all too well with this one. Thanks for the laughs.

Nancy said...

I spoke to 400 librarians at the Hilton last night & sat at the head table with all the board members and muckety-mucks who had all flown from Philadelphia. It's a non-stop flight, right? EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THEM lost their luggage.

Brenda Roger said...

Nancy --muckety mucks --heehee. I love that term! Yes, our luggage was delivered to the house at 11:30 last night. I found out that it was lost after watching the baggage claim go round for about half an hour. Instinctively, I knew it wasn't coming out, but David is more of an optimist than me.

So glad hot pink pumps were in carry-on. whew!
Mike, I love a good crank. Post away. It is a good crankin' kind of week.

Tory said...

I'm afraid my blog on Wed. will be a bit of a crank, too. It IS a cranky sort of week.

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

I'd join some critiquing.

And man, Brenda, sounds like most of the flights I take. Or used to; I now avoid flying and the plague -- can't say "like the plague" because without fail, I come down with one when I fly.

Gina said...

Prior to my recent flight to Mexico, I was stopped by homeland security because my carry-on tested positive for nitrites in their machine. [Apparently because one of the cats, not wanting me to leave, had peed on it.] I explained that to the security folks, but they insisted on patting me down anyway. Now I know how the cats feel -- being patted doesn't feel half bad at 6:30 in the morning. Honest. It kind of wakes you up.

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