After devoting my debut blog to corpse disposal, I thought I should get with the theme here and write about some of the many jobs that have enriched my life, if not my pocketbook.
Job One through Job None.
by Pat Hart
Age 8/Entrepreneur/Curbside location: Purveyor of fine kool-aids and penny candies to local populace.
Age 16/Button tabulator for yarn and fabric store/Family-owned--my family: Inventory taker of a wide variety of sewing notions, especially skilled at counting ceramic sweater buttons featuring “Ducks with bonnets,” “Kittens with yarn,” and “Kittens without yarn.”
Age 20/Front line sales/Burger Chef (Burger King’s less royal brother): Bravely greeted my college classmates dressed in a polyester blue outfit and chef toque/hair net.
Age 20/Reserve book room desk attendant/University library: Preventor of learning, denier of knowledge, and general impediment to progression of the species as I studied and students, desperate to get the assigned reading materials, begged me to get off my caboose and at least LOOK for the reserved books.
Age 21/Pineapple Princess/Dole pineapple plant/Hawaii/Nightshift: Removed the little hard bits from the pineapples after they’d been shoved through a can-sized tube. Gained valuable knowledge about the acidity of pineapple juice, the tenderness of human skin, and the protective properties of Vaseline.
Age 21/Officious Manager/Carpet installation company/Hawaii: As the lone mainlander in the organization, I was solely responsible for getting the installers to quit laying around on the carpets smoking, and get in their trucks and on their way to the job before the customers started calling.
Age 22/Collector/Vacuum cleaner debt/Arizona: Tracked a ‘unit’ to Mexico where I was told “to come ahead and get it, they didn’t need it no more on account of the floor, it was a dirt.”
Age 22/Teaching Assistant/English/Arizona: Tried to convince a roomful of 18-year-olds that I knew anything at all. Somewhat successful with the ESL students.
Age 24/Medical Courier: Picked-up blood samples and other mystery items in Petri dishes and delivered to a laboratory, usually on dark and stormy nights.
Age 25/Advertising/Account Supervisor: With Larry Tate from Bewitched as my patron saint, I put on my big girl shoes and pretended to be a grown-up, and mostly succeed for about 20 years. Ultimately, I noticed there are no women over 40 in my business. Just as I begin to suspect the soylent green Chai lattes…
Present day/Writer of fiction -mostly marketing materials for my clients, but stories too.