Thursday, February 08, 2007

Top 10 List

by Kristine Coblitz

In a recent issue of the technical magazine I work for, we ran a piece called “The Top 10 Reasons You Know You’re an Engineer.” It was highly entertaining, and I thought it would be fun to apply this concept to mystery writers.

So here is my version of the Top 10 List for those of us who write about crime for a living.

You Know You’re a Mystery Writer if...

Number 10: You have the CSI theme song as the ring tone on your cell phone.

Number 9: You plot devious and interesting ways to murder your family and friends...on the page, that is.

Number 8: Your online search history has more crime-related hits than the FBI.

Number 7: Your idea of appropriate dinner conversation includes stories of blood splatter and blunt force trauma.

Number 6: Your dream job is working as a crime scene clean-up crew member.

Number 5: Your copy of FORENSICS FOR DUMMIES is filled with Post-It Notes.

Number 4: You keep Court TV on the television as background noise.

Number 3: You start wondering if your quiet, quirky neighbor is really a serial killer.

Number 2: You've tried to decorate the outside of your house with yellow crime scene tape.

And finally...

Number 1: The local police have you on a watch list because you've called more than once to ask about how to get away with murder.

What would you add to the list? Let's see how many more we can come up with.


Joyce said...

Very funny, Kristine!

How about: There's a van marked Flower Delivery with more satellite dishes than NASA that routinely parks across the street from your house. You're sure it's the FBI.

The screen saver on your computer is a slideshow of crime scenes.

Annette said...

How about: Your favorite vacation destination is Malice Domestic.

And you want to meet your cousin's new boyfriend, the state trooper, NOT to get your speeding ticket fixed, but to pick his brain. (Just happened to me). Said boyfriend now looks at me as if I were a serial killer.

Nancy said...

I'll have you know, the crime scene tape looked really good on my house!

brenda said...

I'm convinced that the house on the corner is a meth lab. For anyone who doesn't know, I live in beige babyland aka the suburbs. Can you think of a better place to put a meth lab than in a beige house in murrysville? who would suspect, except, of course, the aspiring mystery writer three doors down.

Joyce said...

Brenda, I don't want to make you panic or anything, but there are lots of meth labs in the suburbs. So, you could be right!

Anonymous said...

These are pretty good!

Brenda: I also have a questionable house across the street from me in suburbia. The lights are only on in the wee hours of the morning with no other sign of life during the day. They also keep a Christmas wreath on their door all year long. Very strange.

Joyce: I like the crime scene computer slideshow.

Annette: My ideal vacation is a seminar at a FBI training facility.

Nancy: If I could get some crime scene tape, I'd defintely decorate the house! Another neighbor on our street tried to do it one year for Halloween and our homeowner's association made them remove it. LOL!

Tory said...

How about: your friend is having problems with her ex-, and you promise to write him into your novel and kill him off.

(Yes, I suggested that to a friend once. As a pacifist, I think she was a bit appalled.)

Anonymous said...

Tory: Another good one. Based on your friend's reaction, it's sometimes better if we keep our murder plot ideas to ourselves, huh?