Spring Stupidity

by Joyce Tremel

I'm convinced that warm weather breeds stupidity. Just ask any cop. Or come to work with me for a day. I really dislike going to work this time of year and it's not because I'd rather be outside actually enjoying the warm temperatures. Although our call volume is down, the types of calls we get makes me want to print some stupid stickers and slap them on peoples' foreheads.

For instance, recently a woman brought this huge dog into our station that she found near McKnight Road which is NOT in Shaler Township. First, why did she pick the dog up in the first place? Chances are it would have found its way back home all by itself, not to mention the dog's owner was probably out looking for it while this nitwit drives five miles and turns it in at our station. One of the officers then had to take the time to tie the dog up outside the station and call the service we use to pick up the mutt. Fortunately the dog was microchipped and they were able to locate the owner, who then had to pay a seventy five dollar fee to pick up their dog because of some idiot.

That same day, another woman picked up a dog in Shaler and took it to her home in the City of Pittsburgh and called us from there. I think she expected one of the officers to go there and pick up the dog. Didn't happen. I can just imagine the conversation when she called the Pittsburgh PD. Yeah, I'm sure they rushed right over.

Yesterday, a guy called about a barking dog. When the cop got to the complainant's house it turned out that the dog lived several houses away. He wanted the officer to tell the dog's owner to keep a muzzle on the dog all the time because it barks when people walk past it. The officer politely explained that the dog was doing what dogs are supposed to do. The man wasn't happy with that explanation.

Just so you don't think all we get are animal calls, car accidents also increase this time of year. We had a few where the drivers slammed into the back of the car in front of them because they weren't paying attention.

Yesterday a woman brought in what she thought was "suspicious mail." Her elderly mother received a form that she thought was a scam because it asked personal questions. I took a look at it. It was from the US Census Bureau, which was CLEARLY marked on the paper. I guess she thought reading the entire page was too hard.

If you get grossed out easily don't read this one. On Saturday night we had a call from our local McDonald's restaurant that a guy had just urinated on the counter. Yes, you read that right. On the counter. Guess where I'm never eating again? He was cited for disorderly conduct. I think he should have been made to scrub the place down with bleach. Twice.

Does anyone else think warm weather brings out the stupid in people? If anyone has any stupid stories to tell, I'd like to hear them. I'll get those stickers ready.