Thursday, March 29, 2007

Spring Stupidity

by Joyce Tremel

I'm convinced that warm weather breeds stupidity. Just ask any cop. Or come to work with me for a day. I really dislike going to work this time of year and it's not because I'd rather be outside actually enjoying the warm temperatures. Although our call volume is down, the types of calls we get makes me want to print some stupid stickers and slap them on peoples' foreheads.

For instance, recently a woman brought this huge dog into our station that she found near McKnight Road which is NOT in Shaler Township. First, why did she pick the dog up in the first place? Chances are it would have found its way back home all by itself, not to mention the dog's owner was probably out looking for it while this nitwit drives five miles and turns it in at our station. One of the officers then had to take the time to tie the dog up outside the station and call the service we use to pick up the mutt. Fortunately the dog was microchipped and they were able to locate the owner, who then had to pay a seventy five dollar fee to pick up their dog because of some idiot.

That same day, another woman picked up a dog in Shaler and took it to her home in the City of Pittsburgh and called us from there. I think she expected one of the officers to go there and pick up the dog. Didn't happen. I can just imagine the conversation when she called the Pittsburgh PD. Yeah, I'm sure they rushed right over.

Yesterday, a guy called about a barking dog. When the cop got to the complainant's house it turned out that the dog lived several houses away. He wanted the officer to tell the dog's owner to keep a muzzle on the dog all the time because it barks when people walk past it. The officer politely explained that the dog was doing what dogs are supposed to do. The man wasn't happy with that explanation.

Just so you don't think all we get are animal calls, car accidents also increase this time of year. We had a few where the drivers slammed into the back of the car in front of them because they weren't paying attention.

Yesterday a woman brought in what she thought was "suspicious mail." Her elderly mother received a form that she thought was a scam because it asked personal questions. I took a look at it. It was from the US Census Bureau, which was CLEARLY marked on the paper. I guess she thought reading the entire page was too hard.

If you get grossed out easily don't read this one. On Saturday night we had a call from our local McDonald's restaurant that a guy had just urinated on the counter. Yes, you read that right. On the counter. Guess where I'm never eating again? He was cited for disorderly conduct. I think he should have been made to scrub the place down with bleach. Twice.

Does anyone else think warm weather brings out the stupid in people? If anyone has any stupid stories to tell, I'd like to hear them. I'll get those stickers ready.


Anonymous said...

Too funny, Joyce! But I think you're right, because Monday afternoon when I left work, some lady rear-ended me at a stop sign. I don't think she ever saw me, and I wasn't looking in my rearview mirror, so I didn't see it coming. Just WHAM! My head snapped back so hard that all I could see was a blinding flash of white light. Thought for a minute there I was having a religious experience, but no... So what was up with the guy who peed on the counter? Was he drunk (I hope), or just a complete a-hole?

Joyce Tremel said...

Yikes, Lisa! Make sure you get your neck looked at. Sometimes problems don't show up for awhile--and make sure it gets noted on the accident report.

As for "The Urinator" they didn't catch up with him until the next day--all they had on him was a license plate number--but he had to have been drunk. I can't imagine anyone doing that otherwise.

Anonymous said...

Our neighborhood is over-run with runaway dogs right now. People let them off the lease in the park and are surprised on a lovely spring day when their pooch takes off at high speed.

Yesterday I worked at the dining room table with a full view of the street in front of our house. A truckload of movers unloaded a moving van all afternoon. Needless to say, none of them were moonlighting from their jobs as brain surgeons. If people knew how much of their furniture gets dropped when they move, we'd all stay in the houses we grew up in.

Anonymous said...

Okay, I'm intrigued by the guy who peed on the fast-food counter. Ack! It must have been one heavy night of boozing for that guy.

Joyce, these stories are too funny.

Anonymous said...

And Lisa, I'm sorry about your accident. Ouch! I hope your neck is okay.

Anonymous said...

It's so funny, Joyce, we must have been thinking on similar wavelengths. When I was driving to the bank this morning I noticed all the slow-moving cars which were having a hard time staying in their lanes. Looking at the drivers, I suspected a bunch of elderly people had decided to drive today for the first time in months because of the nice weather.

Anonymous said...

I admit to having picked up a lost-looking animal, but it never occurred to me to take it to the police station! Aren't you supposed to just shelter and feed it until you find the owner via a lost pet website, Animal Friends, Humane Society, ad in newspaper, or sign on the utility pole?