Saturday, April 14, 2007

Crazy Like A Fox?

by Brian Mullen

Last night my wife and I had dinner with my mother-in-law and one of my sisters-in-law. As with most Americans, I suspect, the conversation eventually turned to the Freak Show that is Hollywood and, specifically, to Miss Britney Spears and her previously bald head. At that time my sister-in-law went all "TV Detective" on us and gave us some mystery "food for thought." Consider...

FACT #1: On Feb 17, 2007, Britney shaves off all her hair.

FACT #2: On Feb 20, 2007, Britney enters rehab in an American facility.

FACT #3: American rehab centers are regulated by the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), part of the Department of Health and Human Services.

FACT #4: SAMHSA's rules include mandatory federal drug testing that include specimens of hair. "Hair testing provides longer detection periods (approximately 90 days) and is particularly well suited and effective in pre-employment and random testing. The shorter detection periods available with urine or saliva are effective with post accident and reasonable suspicion testing."

Adding to this, in my now suspicious mind, is that Britney went into a non-American rehab center on Feb 16, 2007 and stayed less than a day. Did they attempt drug testing on her hair forcing her to flee? Did she realize she'd have to shave the incriminating follicles off before they could reveal 90-day evidence of substance abuse. Did she fear the information becoming public, especially seeing how she was then involved in a custody battle for her children?

There are mysteries everywhere you look. Some food for thought.


Anonymous said...

Interesting thought, Brian!

I hadn't known about the hair testing. Good for a mystery writer to know.

Anonymous said...

I don't care about Britney Spears or the late Anna Nicole Smith or Tom Cruise or any of the other celebrity nutjobs, and mostly it just annoys me when they escape the pages of People magazine and intrude themselves into my daily newspaper or newscast. But I must admit, that bald-head theory is interesting, and I'm impressed with your sister-in-law for coming up with it!

Susan Helene Gottfried said...

Interesting theory, Brian. You might be onto something!

Anonymous said...

makes you wonder if they asked for a hair sample from another place ;)

Mind you, that theory could be proved/disproved nice and quick by analysis of those charming photos of her coming out of a club late one night...