Monday, October 08, 2007

Caffeine, Clorox and Cornsilk Are My Only Real Friends

by Brenda Roger

Perhaps you’ve heard me say that caffeine and Clorox are my only real friends. I came up with this theory years ago while cleaning my hundred-year-old house. I decided that caffeine and Clorox both delivered broad-sweeping, dependable results, and could therefore be relied upon with more confidence than most people. This week I added a third friend to my list.

Here in Pittsburgh, summer just refuses to end. The horses are growing their winter coats. The trees are turning bright colors. The days are shorter. Still, everywhere I go, and everything I do, my clothes are stuck to me. Sweat runs down my back and trickles along my sternum. It’s most unpleasant. I won’t even bother to recount the wardrobe challenges in my fall social calendar thus far. Worst of all, my make-up just melts on my face.

I am tired of walking in the door after hours of laboring under the delusion that I was even a fraction as presentable as when I left. Clothes are rumpled and creased. Armpits are damp. Feet are swollen. My face looks as if I’ve dipped it in the aftermath of the Exxon Valdez.

I formulated a battle plan just in time. I have switched to Cornsilk pressed powder. It has mysterious oil absorbing properties that I prefer to think of as magic because I don’t want to know what is in it. It could be corn STARCH for all I care.

Last Thursday, we attended an event, along with 698 other people, in an airplane hanger sans air conditioning. Luckily, it had several days in a row of eighty-five degree weather to heat up like a pressure cooker and replace all oxygen with humidity. Otherwise, the tropical feeling would not have been complete, and it is pitiful when something is done half way.

Thanks to my new real friend, Cornsilk, my face, along with my shoes, was one of two survivors. My clothes will have to go in the trash as they were cocktail attire, NOT moisture wicking performance gear.

I would love to wax poetic about Indian summer, but I have to go stuff ice cubes in my bra so I can give a presentation to teachers in a high school classroom. You guessed it. No air.


Nancy said...

I took my daughters shopping for fall clothes on Saturday. What a lousy day to try on wool. When we left the mall, my thermometer read 97.

I gave up on makeup this summer until I discovered that L'Oreal mineral stuff (sorta like Bare Minerals, only cheaper and available at the grocery story!) that dusts on. What a find! Easy and cheap. But the top popped off in my handbag, so I think I need to keep it in a ziplock bag.

I love a problem-solving blog. Thanks, Brenda!

Nancy said...

Store. Not story. It's early for me.

brenda said...

Nancy, I knew what you meant. It's ok!

Tory said...

Caffeine used to be my friend but turned against me when I realized, in grad. school, that I was hooked on diet Dr. Pepper. I went off it and it took 6 weeks to get over withdrawal symptoms!

You can see why I've been scared to invest as much in the other two . . .

P.S. And it's not even Indian Summer, yet, because there's not been a "first frost!"

mike said...

Brenda--Thanks for the hilarious insight into how a little dewiness can spoil a girl's day! And for the cornsilk solution...I can use that in my next of my main characters is a drag queen who performs in a hot, crowded, stuffy bar (is there any other kind?).

Joyce said...

Great blog, Brenda!

I haven't tried Cornsilk, but I LOVE Bare Minerals. I've tried the less expensive brands, but the original lasts longer and covers better. I've had the same container of it since May and I use it every day. I got it from QVC so it was on sale, but you an also buy it at Ulta.

Joyce said...

Oh, and I too, could not live without caffeine and Clorox.

Anonymous said...

This is good information to know, Brenda, as my body temperature due to pregnancy is through the roof right now. UGH.

I love the make-up tips. Looks like I'm going to make a trip to the store today to stock up so I can make it to December and look presentable.

Cathy said...

So sorry about all your functions out in the heat. Sounds like a sticky situation. I'm like Tory--try to stay away from the caffeine. A little detox goes a long way. And all one summer when I was a kid, I had vesicles on one side of my face. They called it poison ivy and bathed my face in Clorox for months, so I can't stand the smell of the stuff.

I have silk screen powder by Origins. Is that anything like your Cornsilk? Great makeup tip!

Joyce said...

Good grief, Cathy! I can't believe they actually put Clorox on your face. That stuff eats the skin off my hands when I use it to clean. I can't imagine putting it on my face!

Gina said...

Ditto, Joyce. I won't touch Clorox with my bare skin, but I love the way it makes stains disappear on my counter.