Thursday, December 22, 2011

A Cop's Twelve Days of Christmas

by Joyce

I wrote this little ditty back when I worked for a local police department. I thought it was about time I dug it up again.


A Cop's Twelve Days of Christmas (To be sung to the tune of you-know-what.)

On the first day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--three purse snatchings, two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--nine hookers working, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--ten dealers dealing, nine hookers working, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--eleven bar fights, ten dealers dealing, nine hookers working, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me--twelve drunken elves, eleven bar fights, ten dealers dealing, nine hookers working, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds, FIVE DUIs, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

Merry Christmas everyone!

9 comments:

Ramona said...

LOL, Joyce, and you worked for a small department!

Here'e a question: I went Christmas shopping the other day. I saw a man in the store in a dark sweatshirt with SWAT on it. Not the big yellow or white letters but small letters stitched like a logo. He had cop hair and build and a standoffish demeanor, but would a real SWAT guy wear a SWAT sweatshirt, while obviously going Christmas shopping?

Karen in Ohio said...

Brilliant, Joyce!

In case I don't get another chance to tell the Stiffs, I wish you all a Merry Christmas and the very happiest and most successful of years in 2012.

And thank you for the entertainment and enlightenment you've all brought to my life, in so many ways. Love you all.

Annette said...

A true classic, Joyce.

Joyce said...

Good question, Ramona! I'm thinking the guy is one of those cop wannabees.

Joyce said...

Thanks, Karen! Merry Christmas to you!

Patg said...

This has got to be the song with the most variations ever. This one is good, but the beer one is awful.
My very favorite is the Hawaiian one.
Merry everything, everybody.
Patg

C.L. Phillips said...

Merry Christmas to everyone! Joyce, your song is a gem.

For all those traveling during the holidays, may your days be sunny and bright, your hearts be happy and light, Merry Texas Christmas you all (courtesy of Michael Martin Murphy's Christmas album) :))

Paula Matter said...

I don't remember ever seeing this gem before. Great job, Joyce!

Merry Christmas y'all/youins/yuinz!

(Did I spell that last one right?)

Nancy Lauzon said...

LOL, too funny! Have a very Merry Christmas!