Thursday, December 20, 2007

A Cops Twelve Days of Christmas

by Joyce Tremel

(To be sung to the tune of you-know-what.)

On the first day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the second day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the third day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the fourth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts, and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the fifth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, FIVE DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the sixth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the seventh day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the eighth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the ninth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, nine hookers “working”, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the tenth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, ten dealers dealing, nine hookers “working”, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, eleven bar fights, ten dealers dealing, nine hookers “working”, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

On the twelfth day of Christmas, dispatch gave to me, twelve drunken elves, eleven bar fights, ten dealers dealing, nine hookers “working”, eight verbal domestics, seven car wrecks, six neighbor feuds—five DUIs—four fighting kids, three purse snatchings, two retail thefts and a Peeping Tom in a pear tree.

Merry Christmas everyone!

9 comments:

Tory said...

To be followed by a round of, "What do you do with a drunken el-lf?"

ramona said...

Hilarious, Joyce. I will be singing this all day.

I have a question: Do your cop co-workers read this blog? If so, why don't they ever post?

I guess that's two questions. No more eggnog for breakfast for me!

mike said...

Tee-hee! Thanks for the morning chuckle, Joyce. And here I thought all the excitement was here in the city. I just gotta get out more often to the suburbs.

I hope this becomes an annual tradition.

Working Stiffs said...

NINE hookers in Shaler?? Jeez, things are more exciting out there than I thought!

Great song, Joyce. If you get your department to sing it on video, you'd have the YouTube of the year!

Working Stiffs said...

That was me. Sorry. Mr. Blogger is annoyed with me.
Nancy

Gina said...

How about five felons fleeing?

Lee Lofland said...

Sniff, sniff. Joyce, you've made miss all the good things about a cop's Christmas (Not!). Let's see. Here's some of my Christmas memories...

1) Working all night long on Christmas Eve.

2) Crackheads stealing family gifts from beneath the tree.

3) Holiday murder.

4) Holiday suicide.

5) More drunk drivers than usual.

6) Ringing someone's doorbell in the middle of the night to tell them their son or daughter was killed in an auto accident. Yes sir, alcohol was involved.

7) Miss seeing your kid open her presents on Christmas morning because someone accidentally shot his own kid to death while preparing to go out deer hunting.

8) Miss the family Christmas party because someone high on meth has barricaded himself in a house with hostages, at gunpoint. You spend several hours litening to screams and ducking bullets while your family drinks eggnog and opens gifts.

9) Removing dead bodies from a flaming house because the family of eight couldn't afford heat and were burning wood in a rusty BBQ grill that was too close to the furniture and drapes.

10) Sharing a tin of $2.00 Christmas cookies with drunk, homeless wino.

Ho, ho, ho...

Please take a moment this Christmas Eve to think about the folks in law enforcement who can't be home with their families because they're working all night to keep us safe.

Joyce said...

Thanks for the reminder, Lee.

Cops always appreciate a plate of cookies, some homemade nutbread, a sandwich ring, etc. Most of the time the guys have to eat on the run--they don't get a lunch hour like normal people do. So, everybody fix a plate of something and drop it off at your local PD!

Joyce said...

Update on the Cpl. Pokorny case:
Leslie Mollett has been sentenced to life plus 13-26 years.

http://www.post-gazette.com/pg/07354/843247-100.stm