Wednesday, January 16, 2008

In the Moos

By Annette Dashofy

It’s not been a good couple of weeks to be a bovine
in rural southwestern Pennsylvania. First came this news story about a guy from Westmoreland County who decided to demonstrate his unhappiness with regards to his wife’s affair by sending the boyfriend a cow’s head.

Perhaps I should go back and re-watch my old gangster movies, but isn’t it supposed to be a horse’s head in the bed? Not a cow’s head in a box thawing on the front porch. I’m still perplexed as to what message he was trying to send. Apparently, though, whatever the message, it worked. The wife reconciled with the sender of the head. I guess she was mooooved by his romantic display.

Sorry. I couldn’t resist.

Then there came this story from neighboring Fayette County about two step-brothers (STEP brothers,
not biological…can’t say stupidity is a family trait) who killed four cows on the first day of deer season. It was after dusk and they were using a spotlight to hunt by and mistook the cattle for deer.

Ahhhh, yeah. Right. FOUR of them.

Plus, it took them ten shots to kill the suckers.

Oh, my, where to start. Okay, first off, IT WAS DARK. If you need a spotlight to see something, it’s too dark to be hunting! And four? I can maybe accept shooting ONE cow by mistake. But deer are skittish creatures. They bolt at the sound of a twig snapping. Cows amble. Cows lumber. That makes them easy targets. So what were these kids thinking? Oh, boy, Bubba, I got me one! And the rest of ‘em ain’t runnin’! Let’s shoot some more! Them ‘re some big ol’ bucks, ain’t they? Bet I’m gonna win the buck pool!
Sorry. Cows don’t have antlers!

Personally, I think these kids heard about the guy with the cow head and thought they’d found a way to make some extra money selling dead livestock parts to jealous husbands.

12 comments:

Tory said...

I'd say there might, just possibly, be some drug or alcohol involvement with the crimes? (Note perceptive mental health diagnostic skills . . .)

Great pictures, Annette, especially that one of the deer with the cows. SOOOO cute!

Joyce said...

Hmm. First day of deer season. I'd say there were large quantities of alcohol involved in this one.

Annette, great minds think alike--I blogged on the cow's head:
http://joycetremel.blogspot.com/2008/01/moo-of-story.html

Annette said...

Joyce, I think this one's been getting a LOT of blog activity. Let's face it: morons are funny. DRUNK morons (as we are assuming may be the case) are just asking to be publicly humiliated over and over again.

Glad you like the pictures, Tory. I didn't take these ones. It's amazing what you find available when you Google cow and deer pictures.

mike said...

Thanks for the morning laugh! Loved your ending. Whoever said country life is uneventful obviously never spent any time in southwestern PA. Read today that Charlize Theron and Viggo Mortenson will be filming "The Road" in our area next month. With Viggo in town UPS drivers will probably be kept busy delivering cow heads to his motel!

Lee Lofland said...

I think they did it because of the hightened skill level that's required when hunting by moooooonlight.

Annette said...

Oh, Lee, I'm COWering from your last comment.

Lee Lofland said...

Gee, looks like everyone's going to "milk" this for all it's worth...

Annette said...

Okay, gang, be warned. Do NOT read any of Lee's comments today while sipping a beverage.

Nancy said...

Oh, Annette, you're just buttering him up.

Annette said...

This is getting udderly ridiculous.

Lee Lofland said...

I just don't have the four stomachs to endure any moooore of this bull.

Joyce said...

Why do I feel like I'm in an Austin Powers movie???